Showing posts with label Bribery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bribery. Show all posts

5 May 2014

Nigeria's a Mess & Abuja is Burning, so I'm Back in London

My dear readers, I have relocated to England. I will return to Abuja one day, but boy, Nigeria is in a BIG mess. I can't even begin to tell of what I've been through.

So after the first explosion in Abuja, my family were calling me from England and asking me to reassess my habitation in Abuja amidst the growing insecurity. So I did.

The crazy thing was that I was in Nyanya on the Saturday before the first blast for a wedding, and drove past the scene of the explosion, which is by a very busy motorway. Nyanya is a densely populated, poorer area on the outskirts of Abuja where many civil servants live because the rent is much cheaper there than in the Abuja metropolis (average rent is around N500, 000 a year for modest lodging in Abuja, whilst in places like Nyanya it's around N100, 000 or less).

I imagine myself like I'm in one of those movies where the city is under attack and buildings are erupting in small explosions behind me everywhere as I dock and weave my way to safety, finally I leap in slow motion and grab unto a swaying ladder hanging from a helicopter labelled 'BRITISH AIRWAYS', and as the helicopter veers away the whole city finally explodes in a huge ball of yellow inferno, and I look down on the burning, hot mess with a tear in my eye, all bruised and battered from my two and a half year life living as a returnee to Abuja.

I will write about distinct aspects of my bad experiences in another post, as this post will concentrate on my departure and why Boko Haram is winning the war in Nigeria.

The First Nyanya Bomb
Firstly let me make one thing clear: the official death toll of around 75 for the first Nyanya bombing on Monday 14 April has been grossly under-represented. I was working for a broadcast media station in Abuja before I left and was responsible for their social media output, and from reports and eye witness accounts, I can confidently tell you that at least 400 people died in that explosion. Yes, 400, and I believe even much more.

One of our freelance journalists who lives near Nyanya called me to tell me he saw four burnt out buses after the explosion, and each of those buses would have been full at the time of the bombing (around 7am on a Monday morning) and each bus carries 50 people. But with the way Nigeria is, I believe if the official capacity is 50, at least 55 would have been on these buses.


I count seven burnt out buses here, and I believe they would each have been full of people that fateful morning. 


Another row of four burnt out buses. Still believe that only 71 people died?

Other pictures from the scene show a row of up to eight burnt out buses, not including kekenapeps, motorcycles, pedestrians, commuters queuing to board buses, street hawkers and cars nearby also loaded with people. A bus park like this is usually heaving with people trying to get into town for work. And remember that some of the injured would have died later in hospital.

So it really pisses me off whenever I see reports from CNN and Nigerian media of the death toll in the 70s, it's a gross injustice to the actual number of people who died, and dangerously underplays the enormity of the blast.

Such unrepresentative figures of the dead in these situations come from eye witness accounts usually from a journalist from Reuters or something who counts the bodies they see before them, but don't take into account bodies in other areas of the scene, the obliterated bodies (human parts were strewn everywhere) or those that die later in hospital. And Nigerian reporters, inadequately equipped to take proper account of the dead, and without a streamlined system for recording those missing, or forensics taking details of bits they find (it usually takes weeks before the final death toll figures are released) and the propensity for Nigerians to regard as correct information from CNN rather than figures from their own people, the initial report stands and is rarely updated.

The numbers injured, officially in the 100s or 200s, should also be much higher.

Some reports also say it was a suicide bomber, then there was a picture of the supposed suicide bomber (with body in tact, is that possible?), then other reports say it was a car bomb. One of my colleagues, who also lives near Nyanya and would usually have traveled to work that fateful morning but was late, says there were rumours that it was a boy with a bomb. The freelancer that called me told me an empty car was seen by commuters parked in front of one of the buses, and as a bus driver horned for the car to get out of the way, it exploded.

But can one car bomb make such an impact, with reports of a huge crater at the scene of the carnage and the rows and rows of burnt out vehicles? Reports of petrol tankers nearby that exploded too might explain the level of impact, but who knows?

This image has been touted all around Nigeria as the suicide bomber. But has there ever been a suicide bomber found intact like this, whilst other victims of the blast were obliterated?

The fact remains we don't know what type of bomb it was, how many people were killed and how many are still missing presumed dead. And nobody will ever find out.

The Second Nyanya Bomb
I heard about the second bomb on Friday May 2 - which occurred right by the scene of the second bomb - after I'd arrived back in England. And judging by what I now know of the first incident, the official figure of 19 dead is most likely 119. I'm serious. People die in Nigeria and nobody knows or cares to find out the details. Again the hospitals were filled, there were calls for people to donate blood, and President Jonathan called another security meeting afterwards to access the issue. Nonsense. But more on President Jonathan later.

I heard reports that the bomb supposedly exploded earlier than planned, and the target was for the following day or Monday? 

Either way, Abuja proper, the central areas that is, are still safe (for now), and Nyanya is quite a distance away. But the point is that Boko Haram have now infiltrated the nation's capital. 

FACT: Boko Haram are Mightier than the Nigerian Army
This is sad but true. Boko Haram not only have better weapons and transportation, they are also united in their purpose and vision, something the Nigerian army (thanks to lack of funds, tribalism and various motives for joining the force) are not. 

And I think the numbers they say Boko Haram have killed in Nigeria in the past five years is 1,500? Well triple it and you'll get closer to the right number. Hundreds have been killed in Borno, Yobe etc, but because these are remote states, no official eye witness is there to count, unlike in Abuja, and see how the numbers there were still under-estimated. My mind boggles at the carnage BH have caused, not just the trail of countless dead, but the maimed, blinded, orphaned, widowed, homeless, income-less and whole communities that have been destroyed. 

And the army, although celebrating a few successes here and there of foiled bomb attacks, and despite the $6bn in funding they receive annually, they are not performing. I've heard reports that the huge funds are siphoned away by the generals and 'ogas at the top,' and the soldier on the ground gets a pittance to live on; they sleep on the bare ground when on duty, have three pure water sachets allocated to each of them and faulty, aged weaponry, some of which are from the Biafran war of the 60s. I have a friend who is a lieutenant who tells me some of their challenges.

And they resort to lying to look as if they're performing, not just lying about finding the missing Chibok girls, but also about catching Fulani militants. The military/police released the pic below, supposedly of Fulani men, but they most certainly are not. They don't look Fulani at all, and rural Fulani men rarely ever wear boxers even. Lies.

These men are not, nor were they ever, Fulani herdsmen in any shape or form

Boko Haram's leader, Abubakar Shekau, in a video claiming responsibility for the Nyanya attack, not only taunted the Nigerian president and said 'catch me if you can', he also boasted that the Nyanya attack was a small one compared to what they're planning. They also confirmed they were behind the school girls' abductions, and said they'll sell the girls off.

His video online was so odious it hurt my ears to listen to the Arabic/Hausa, although I read somewhere there was close to 20 minutes of his rantings, yet I can only find a 1 minute video which was cut mid-sentence. Hmmm. 

#BringBackOurGirls
The way that the whole world has campaigned for the release of the over 200 girls abducted by Boko Haram men dressed as the Nigerian army (Umm...who supplied them with army uniform??) from their boarding school in Chibok, which is in Borno State, has been astonishing, heartening and wonderful in a sad, uplifting way.

Firstly, the exact number of girls kidnapped remains unknown. it's been 85, 197, 234, 250, etc over the weeks since their abduction, with reports it could be up to 300, as students from neighbouring schools were brought into Chibok at the time for exams. The names of the girls have been released, and the majority of them are Christians, but I believe the number abducted is more than 300. 

Now I'm aware of some in the Muslim community both in Nigeria (see here) and around the world (see here) who forcibly kidnap Christian girls and marry them so that they convert the girl and the eventual offspring become Muslims, and there are reports that the Chibok girls have been married off to the militants, who need both cooks and wives to tend to them in their camps. Some of the girls have also been reportedly taken out of Nigeria into neighbouring Chad and Cameroon.

Street protests in Abuja, Lagos, London and everywhere else have taken place about the issue, the kidnapping is front page news on the BBC and CNN websites, and widespread attention has been given to the issue, with American and British celebrities, politicians etc speaking out on the issue. It's a BIG story. 

Yet am I being pessimistic when I say that, from what I've seen and heard, those girls will never be found? Remember that another group of girls were kidnapped in similar circumstances weeks before these ones in Chibok, and those ones were never found, and they're out of the news.
  
And everyone knew, after a couple of days, the location of the Chibok girls. They were in the Sambisa forest, as locals saw groups of girls, many still in their school uniforms, been loaded and unloaded unto trucks and driven away. 

Some of the parents of the girls tried to go into the forest themselves to rescue the girls, but failed. I believe the military also knew where the girls were but were afraid to go into the Sambisa forest, maybe due to an agreement between themselves and the terrorists to stay away from that area (this is very possible) or because they are inadequately equipped to go in, rescue the girls, detain or kill the kidnappers and emerge safely. That takes a lot of planning and fire power, all of which were probably beyond the capacity of the soldiers.

I know I sound negative and condescending about the power of the Nigerian army, but dear readers, I've seen these things. It annoys me so much, the way corruption and ineptitude has made fools and wicked men out of a force that should be strongly focused on citizen's safety.

I pray for the girls too, and God bless every non-Nigerian that has lent their voice to the campaign, and the Nigerians whose hearts bleed at the injustice of having children stolen and the government unable to do anything about it, despite it seeming so easy to get them back, and knowing if you lived in a different country such a thing would never happen, and if it did, it would be the government's priority to find them and they would have done so by now. It's excruciatingly awful that the Sambisa forest was off-limits to soldiers because of the might of Boko Haram, who operate with impunity and can kidnap more students again at any time.

This report by the Guardian newspaper quoted a source from Nigeria's intelligence agencies who said: 
“We in the intelligence were ready to penetrate the sect but they [the government] wasted too much time concentrating on irrelevances. Now it is too late, the intelligence guys are not ready to risk their lives any more after all the frustration from the managers in Abuja. We have given them all the information they need including the level of sophistication of the insurgents; it’s up to them to act.”
Those girls should have been found days following their disappearance. Now I fear it's too late. And if BH decide to release some (I've heard reports the Muslim girls have been released), it would be their own decision independent from force or any negotiations.

A Nice But Dim President
President Goodluck Jonathan seems like a nice man. He would have been a great lecturer I'm sure, but putting him in charge of the most populous, richest and most troubled country in the whole of Africa was a big mistake.

Not only because he lacks the 'killer instinct' to be tough on the bad guys in the Nigerian system, but also because his political enemies (mostly the Muslim North) are hell-bent on making his tenure a mess, because they feel that, in the grand tradition of the turn-by-turn Christian/South then Northern/Muslim system of voting in Nigerian presidents, that it wasn't the South's turn yet. (Former President Yar'Adua, a Northern Muslim, died in office, leading to his vice president Jonathan taking over prematurely).

So repeated attacks by Boko Haram have been orchestrated to frustrate Jonathan and make him look inept, and the feeling is that if he contests and wins Nigeria's national elections next year, things will be worse.

His Presidential media chat yesterday in which he answered questions and showed he had no idea where the missing girls were (he told the journalists present that they knew more than he did about the situation) and in which he said that many people were stealing government money in Nigeria but that this was not corruption, was sad to see. (Read more about that Presidential Media chat here).

The powers that be in Nigeria are mostly there to 'chop,' their minions on the ground have become mean due to lack of money and resort to bribery at every turn, and the ordinary man exists in a helpless void of knowing you're all alone, and the government will most probably hurt you rather than do well for you in your life time.

So...I Left
Yup. And as many Nigerians looked upon my decision to opt out of the mess with envy, saying I could never claim to be Nigerian when I can so easily disengage and run off, I say yes. And you would too if you could.

You're proudly Nigerian because you have no choice.

I'm back in England now, where things are so decent it's almost boring, and although there are challenges, I don't have to worry that my siblings could be stolen from their schools never to be seen again, or that my government doesn't know I exist, neither does it care and it could in fact kill me tomorrow and bury the evidence.

The fact that I automatically got an NI number through the post when I turned 16, and if I turn 100 the Queen automatically sends me a birthday card, and my details are on countless systems somewhere, all attesting to the fact that I exist and the government knows me and is watching, is a source of comfort to me. Absolutely.

Nigeria, my Motherland, I tried to love you, I tried to make it work, but it was just too much of an uphill battle. Adios, for now. I will visit for sure, but I shall never live with you again, even if I become fabulously wealthy and could afford all the trappings of the West in my house.

Two good female friends of mine, born and bred in the UK, relocated to Nigeria (Lagos) recently and are thriving: they've launched successful businesses, enjoy a vibrant social life and are living large. I believe if you have lots of money (which I didn't) and have an entrepreneurial flair (which I don't), you can make it in Nigeria.

But I'm just not built for all that. I don't want to live in a beautiful castle in the middle of a gutter, next to a den of robbers and adjacent to a brood of vipers, knowing that if the outside gets in, I'm on my own.

There's just too much wrong in Nigeria for it to ever be OK for me.

4 February 2013

A Brutally Honest Account of my Life in Nigeria

Nigeria has to be lived to be believed. It’s no good getting one’s feet wet by dipping it sheepishly into the ocean that is our great country, then running off the minute the water gets too cold or too hot, like many of my friends do who visit Nigeria on holiday and enjoy the food, clubs, parties, family and weddings on offer, then rush back to England before Nigeria gets under their skin and they can’t wash it off anymore.

I’m talking about how I immersed myself into the country head over heels until, thoroughly soaked through and dripping wet with Nigeria clinging to my clothes, I returned to England a full 14 months after first arriving in Abuja, blinking under the lights of Heathrow airport and feeling once more the icy cold of December in London. I got used to seeing white people everywhere again and remembered Nigeria only in flashes of hazy, Technicolor brilliance.

Stories of Injustices Abound
I had to go back to England and after two weeks, return to Nigeria again before I could put into perspective what it means to become a Nigerian.  And it’s no longer all happy stories of self-discovery in the Motherland and chin-chin and smiling Fulanis. It’s a collage of sweaty nights, mosquitoes, noisy traffic where horns blare each and every second and paying N400 for a DVD that others in the know pay N100 for. It’s a mixture of the freedom of not having to pay to park everywhere you go, sweet, gorgeous treats like Choco-milo and Fura da Nono and the immediate fascination you encounter simply because you’re British, all mixed with the agony of reading about a man imprisoned for three years for stealing a goat whilst the man responsible for stealing N32 billion worth of pensioner’s money got away with a N750,000 fine. 


 Former Pension boss John Yusufu, who stole N27 billion from Nigeria's Pension Fund 

Or hearing about a pregnant woman who died in front of watching nurses who refused to help because the woman’s husband didn’t have enough money to pay for her treatment. Or a colleague telling me how she got into a taxi, was harassed by the men inside who snatched her handbag and pushed her out of the moving vehicle. Or the gas explosion near my house caused by the same gas canisters used for cooking that friends of mine use. Or the parents who lost all their five children in a fire as neighbours struggled to help because the fire service were not available. Or the dozens of dead bodies found floating in a river one day, and the lack of forensics or police might meant that no one knows who they were or how or why they died.

The daily injustices, unnecessary deaths and unfair suffering those around me endure that is in stark contrast with the 20 houses and millions of naira worth of cars owned by just one person is enough to make me want to grab my red passport and board the next flight back to civilisation. But yet I stay.

Nigeria for me was a challenge, a lesson in survival, a desire to see what all my education and work experience will get me in my own country, and a longing to live in a society where I’m not a second-class citizen simply because of the colour of my skin.

My Eyes Are Open
But there are times when I've hated the very people I was a few months ago delighted to be among. It’s only in Nigeria that I’ve seen the pure wickedness one man can have for another, and the ravenous greed that drives men to steal money allocated for schools, which forces young students to take their lessons under a tree, defecate in the open and sit six to a bench in the pursuit of an education that in the end will get them nowhere unless they have a relative in high places that can give them a job when they graduate.

Nigeria has opened my eyes to the worst of humanity, and sometimes I’m appalled to call it my country. But as it is for other Nigerians, the national pride and hope for better sits alongside my repulsion at what my fellow countrymen are capable of.

The young men hawking dried fish, newspapers, puppies (yes puppies), milk and mops in traffic for hours under the hot sun has become an everyday sight now; I barely bat an eyelid. Recently though, I saw a boy whose entire jaw was jutting out of his mouth so that his face was unnaturally elongated downwards...he was weaving in and out of traffic begging along with his chaperone. Another time I saw a little girl, naked except for her underwear, with a huge tumour on her back. I was so angry my eyes turned red. Angry that we the motorists had to be subjected to the sight of such deformity, angry that there was nothing for her to do but beg, angry that her ‘chaperone’ left her to walk about in the sun almost naked, and angry that such a horrible thing was happening.

All this and worse Nigerians have to see and yet somehow continue our day. I constantly have to ask, to no one in particular, "Why do they let this happen?" and I'm met with shrugged shoulders and shaking heads.

'Runs' Girls and an Ode to a Dog 
Then there is the issue of young girls selling their bodies to the highest bidder, sometimes for as little as a BlackBerry phone, other times for houses, millions and cars given to them by their wealthy benefactors. And you know what? I don’t blame them. Even if they had the brains, if they don’t know the right people they will never get far. So why not use their bodies to get what they want? Virtue is affordable only to the rich, or those from stable societies where you can make it based on merit. But when you grew up dirt poor in a village where you ate only once a day, and you come to Abuja and there are hardly any jobs available, and men are willing to sleep with you in return for wealth, only the best among us would reject that offer.

And, I remember once watching as a dog with dirty, patchy, white fur walked alone around a rubbish dump, no owner, no home, nothing. It had sad eyes and as I watched, for reasons inexplicable to me, I fell in love with it and wanted to take it home. A dog! Not the tiny, long-haired urchins I see every day, but the dog? I watched it for about ten minutes until it ran off, and my heart went out to it and I pitied it and I wrote an ode to it in my mind; wondering where it slept, what it ate, where it was born. Afterwards, I reviewed my behaviour and laughed. Nigeria was getting into my head.

Here everything I’d learnt about fair-play, honesty, humility and politeness had to be thrown out of the window. In Nigeria, up is down and down is up as far as universal standards of behaviour is concerned. If you want something, pretend you don’t otherwise you pay more for it. And you have to be mean to your subordinates so they respect you, because the minute they see you’re nice they disrespect you mercilessly. And never discuss your upcoming successes, because there are many ready to put a spanner in the works. And I’m ashamed to admit it; I’ve also learnt to lie. Because in this upside down society, lies open doors and the truth gets you in trouble.

Nigeria, dear readers, has brought out the villain in me I never even knew was in there.

I’ve also noticed, and it has now begun to exasperate me, how many hours and column inches is devoted to deconstructing ‘The Problem of Nigeria’, where brilliant minds express eloquent ideals and ideas about how to fix the country. Everybody and their mama has a solution for Nigeria, yet here we are. So why do it? All that talk, and trust me, it’s a daily occupation with Nigerians, gets us nowhere.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly 
I wanted to experience everything in this country. So I rode on a motorcycle (Okada), which is a mode of transport for many who can’t afford taxis, much to the dismay of my friends. No matter how you do it, it remains undignified for a lady to mount a bike, and dismounting it was equally ungraceful. I also rode in a Keke-Napep, visited crowded markets (and I was overcharged every time) and walked through the ramshackle villages in the outskirts of Abuja.

I’ve also stayed in expensive rooms in Transcorp Hilton and Sheraton (smarting at the cost of the privilege and annoyed by the unbridled fawning of hotel staff towards foreigners and the wealthy) and grand houses in Asokoro and visited shockingly extravagant homes in Maitama where each and every piece of furniture was imported from Dubai or America and there were flatscreen TVs in every room including the kitchen. I’ve eaten at expensive restaurants and local Mama Puts. I’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly, and there is a lot of ugly, and my conclusion is that Nigeria is not for the faint-hearted. It is better experienced the way white people experience it: through the windows of air-conditioned SUVs as it speeds from the airport to a nice hotel, never seeing the dirty underbelly and believing the lies your hosts tell you about how the country is improving.

Like the lies the Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan told CNN’s Christianne Amanpour during his infamous interview, especially the one about electricity improving.


CNN's Christianne Amanpour interviewing Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan


It might be improving, but at a snail's pace inconsistent with the billions the country makes in oil. I find many things I enjoy in Nigeria, including the delicious variety of food and treats which suits me fine as I'm a foodie with a sweet tooth, the gregarious humour of the people I meet and work with everyday and the indomitable human spirit to be found in every Nigerian that says, despite the injustices, I will smile. Still, I will rise.

I've met truly delightful people, and many others who are just tainted by their environment who I feel would soar to great heights in countries like the UK where their attributes will be valued.

But Nigerians are also the most patient, most forgiving, most industrious, most animated, most greedy, most wicked, most generous, most desperate and most exasperating people I have ever met. I now have a healthy love-hate relationship with them and with the country. But I wouldn’t swap my experiences here for anything in the world.

Like my brother-in-law told me when I went back to London, “You left England a girl and returned a woman.”

My Updated View of Fulanis Since Being in Nigeria

I had my predictions, presumptions and presuppositions about Fulani people before I came to Nigeria. Now that I’m here, I’m still looking from the outside in, like a long lost daughter peering through the window at her family eating dinner inside; they unaware of her desire to join them, she not knowing if entering their world would be a good idea. Would they let her in? Or shoo her away because despite her affiliation, she is forever changed?

But there are a few things I thought about Fulanis whilst in England that now I’m in Abuja I see was wrong or not quite the whole story:

WOMEN’S EDUCATION
Pre-Nigeria: I thought that very few Fulani women were educated up to Masters Level, educated abroad, had PhDs or held any high offices in business or other reputable professions.
Post-Nigeria: I’ve seen, met and read about many educated, professional Fulani women; from psychiatrists to editors and most things in between and  with international qualifications, mainly from Arab (majority-Islamic) countries. But these women are the fortunate ones that were born into the upper and political classes.

There are also many local schools specialising in the education of Nomadic Fulani children in Northern Nigeria. From what I saw, all were in deplorable conditions and lacked adequate furnishings or school materials, and the little Fulani children where crowded into tiny rooms. Also, the families of many nomadic Fulani girls refuse to send them to school or allow them to progress past secondary education.


 A (dilapidated) nomadic school in Northern Nigeria

I read a lot of Nigerian newspapers and watch a lot of Nigerian news, and noticed that the Fulani men featured wrote and spoke at a standard far above the average Nigerian (I hope you won’t mistake this for ethnic bias!), and I can say this with authority being a sub-editor for a newspaper here, that the general writing standard in Nigeria, even for editors is shockingly poor, except for the very few bright sparks and many of those were Fulanis.

RESPECT FOR CHRISTIANITY
Pre-Nigeria: Fulanis are fiercely Islamic and disliked Christians, Fulani Christians and converts.
Post-Nigeria: Its true that most Fulanis are devoutly Muslim, but the fact that they originally adhered to traditional religions was noticeable because of the ways a few local Fulani men dressed (in tight, effeminate clothing) unlike other muslims.

Another surprising thing is hearing from the mouths of a couple of high-profile Fulanis about their admiration for the Bible, Jesus and Mary. It seemed that the older and more educated some of them became, the more they were able to appreciate the wisdom in the Bible without allowing it to conflict with their Muslim faith. I dare say that some upper-class Fulanis even admire Christianity and would have explored the faith at a deeper level if not for the societal taboos inherent in questioning Islam and looking too closely at Christianity.

CHILD HERDERS
Pre-Nigeria: Fulani cow herders were almost always grown men.
Post-Nigeria: Fulani herders are usually young children and teenagers and even young girls too grazed cows.

TRIBAL FIGHTING
Pre-Nigeria: The Fulanis were guarded, shy and soft-spoken people who herded mostly in isolation from other tribes
Post-Nigeria: There have been many reports since I’ve been in Nigeria of Fulani herdsmen clashing with neighbouring tribes because of grazing grounds issues. Recently in Benue State, some Idoma youths killed five Fulani men and their cows because the cattle were destroying their crops.  Similar clashes occurred in Jos but this time the Fulanis were the agitators. This unrest between Fulanis and neighbouring tribes was something I was unaware of before I came to Nigeria.


The remains of a Fulani settlement after the Benue State clash


UNCONVENTIONAL FULANIS
Pre-Nigeria: Fulanis were strictly muslim and reserved and avoided scandal or mixing with other tribes.
Post-Nigeria: I should have known that that was a naive view to have. I’ve since been regaled by stories of unusual (to me) Fulani behaviour including the brilliant Fulani university lecturer in his 60s who had never been married and never wanted to marry. Although he was generous, renovating an entire wing of the university with his own money, he stated that he was more successful because he was single. 
Or stories of young Fulani men in Anambra State that hung out in bars, drank beer and spoke pidgin English and Igbo with the best of them. Imagine! And of Fulani women who were less than virtuous and did secret, nefarious deeds behind closed doors, both in Nigeria and in places like Dubai. That one tripped me the most. I always thought our women were bastions of morality (in Nigeria anyway, as I'm aware of ‘loose’ Fulani women in Francophone West African countries).

The moral of the story is that no matter how many books or documentaries you hear about a place, people or thing and how much you think you know, nothing beats first-hand information or seeing the thing for yourself. 

12 March 2012

Nigerian Politics vs British Politics

I'd heard a lot about Nigerian politics and politicians before I arrived in Abuja, and unfortunately, not much of it was praiseworthy. But now I'm here, it's not all as bad as it seems. Nigerian politicians can be very personable, generous and ingenious.

Here's an informal comparison between Politics in Nigeria with Politics in the UK.

Motives for Entering Politics
UK: To make an impact in your country or constituency; to pass a bill you have a passion for; to make your family proud; it's a feasible progression of your law/business/media career; you were inspired by another politician when you were younger; it's one of five traditional careers that the alumni at your prestigious school (Eton, Oxford, Cambridge) are groomed for or because you have a burning desire to be a notable Briton.


Nigeria: Money! There's big bucks to be made from being a politician in Nigeria. It's like winning the jackpot, all at once the nation's oil wealth becomes your own personal bank account for you to use, distribute and appropriate as you see fit. If money is not your motive, good for you, but you and me and the whole nation knows you'll 'chop' (enjoy) plenty of it anyway, so go ahead!

Public Service
UK: Politicians are held highly accountable for their service. You may email, call, text, Facebook  or visit your MP if and when you have a particular issue they are obliged to help you, and taking care of their constituency facilities, roads, libraries etc goes without saying. MPs have resigned for inefficiencies and wrongful practices, and politicians are very mindful not to get a bad reputation in the media. 

Nigeria: The voting of politicians into power is shrouded in so much raised eyebrows and kissed teeth that there's little trust in the elected officials. When a politician builds a road, sanitises an area or improves a school, he is celebrated, like Lagos Governor Babatunde Fashola, whose positive works in Lagos have garnered him great praise in Nigeria. But in the UK he would just be doing his job. 

Lagos Governor Babatunde Fashola: Nigerians sing his praises, but he's just doing his job

Extra-Curricular Businesses
UK: This is frowned upon, especially when it's very lucrative. You can raise money for charity, but huge profits for yourself is questionable. I watched an investigative documentary once that exposed the money-making practices of some politicians, whereby they were on the boards of private companies and were paid for consultancy services whilst also employed as an MP. It probably happens a lot in private, but it's not something MPs talk about or want citizens and the media to find out about.

Nigeria: I've heard of MPs receiving oil wells as their personal investments, dashing (giving) their children oil wells and securing lucrative contracts worth billions of Naira for themselves and their people. This is not so much frowned upon as expected. And the penalties and consequences for such acts are almost non-existent so that it happens openly.

Expectations
UK: You're expected to be respectable and effective, avoid scandal and leave office with your reputation intact. If you do encounter disgrace, you resign, and although you'll probably get another lucrative job, your scandal will limit your effectiveness. No-one expects money to flow from you because an MP isn't paid that much and flashing the cash is not the way the British do things.

Nigerians: You are expected to give money, cars, homes and contracts to your family, friends and kin. In fact, when you are elected or appointed, those around you rejoice because they're getting ready to enjoy your expensive gifts, and there'll be a line outside your house every morning from people coming to receive jobs and other gifts from you. In a way, the pressure from family encourages the siphoning of public funds so you'll be seen as generous and taking care of your own.

Travel to Work
UK: Taxi, Tube or private car (but don't own more than one, else you'll be judged extravagant, e.g. John Prescott, who was taunted and nicknamed 'Two Jags' for daring to own two Jaguars) I remember once waiting for the bus at Willesden Green in London and turning around to see ex-London Mayor Ken Livingstone behind me, also waiting for the bus, and current Prime Minister David Cameron used to ride a bicycle to work.

British Prime Minister David Cameron proudly cycling to work in London

Nigeria: In Abuja I've seen motorcades complete with a bullet-proof SUV-type car with tinted wondows led by two official motorcycles with their sirens on as they cleared traffic, and other cars parked on the side to allow them to pass. I thought it was the president himself but alas, it was only a senator. Politicians can have up to 12 top-of-the-range cars without anyone batting an eyelid and they always travel first class.

Houses
UK: The Expenses Scandal was a huge political expose in the UK a few years back when the media revealed that many MPs charged their various expenses - from taxi journeys to house rent - to their expenses account, which wasn't exactly illegal but scandalous nonetheless and, according to the British media, revealed the excesses MPs enjoyed at taxpayers' expense. I remember some MPs were vilified for owning houses in the country but renting flats in London charged to their expenses, and those that owned more than one house were publicly shamed for being out of touch with their not-so-wealthy constituents.

Nigeria: Multiple huge houses in wealthy areas like Maitama in Abuja are routinely built and houses in wealthy areas abroad bought by Nigerian politicians, and many also construct lavish residences in their village of origin, so that in some under-developed hamlet in deepest Nigeria a huge mansion owned by a politician will be surrounded by small, ramshackle houses of the other villagers. And many of the politicians rarely spend more than a week in many of their houses, so that they stand empty and useless most of the year.


Dressing
UK: Suits. Just suits. Everybody wears suits. Occasionally you may remove your jacket and be seen with just your shirt and tie, and you can even roll up your sleeves. You also have a selection of different coloured ties to choose from, but on the whole, just wear suits. Women may wear skirt or trouser suits.

The black and white uniformity of British Parliament

Nigeria: Depends on your religion, tribe, taste and personal quirks, so that a roomful of Nigerian politicians is a lesson in individuality. From Babanrigas and Kaftans in a variety of colours, embroidery, materials and styles depending on your tribe or tastes, with accompanying caps (matching or differently coloured, or the traditional red if you're Igbo/Delta) to a large Kaftan-style top and black wide-brimmed hat like our President Goodluck Jonathan, or military uniform/wear. You may also wear suits with different coloured bow-ties or ties. Women also have a variety of both native and western outfits to choose from, accompanied by scarves or geles.You can be as original, expressive or eccentric as you like, but always be smart.





The varying attires of Nigerian Politicians, from top to bottom: Sir Ahmadu Bello, General Ibrahim Babangida, Former President Musa Yar'Adua and current President Goodluck Jonathan


The individualism and varying cultural expressions on display at the Nigerian Senate

Religion in Public
UK: No prayer in public or acknowledgement of religion at all, unless it's during discussions of terrorism, freedom of speech or gay marriage. Ex-British Prime Minister Tony Blair's Press Secretary Alistair Campbell famously said 'We don't do God.' Although David Cameron recently declared that Britain was a Christian country, on the whole Religion and Politics rarely mix.

Nigerian: Both Christian and Muslim prayers are said before any major session in Parliament or major state event. Religion is discussed openly (although not always without tension) and it's an unwritten rule that Nigerian Presidents must alternate on religious lines, so if there's a Christian ruler now, the next ruler should be a Muslim.

Religion in Private
UK: Very private. Only the Queen's church going is documented, but Prime Ministers and other politicians are rarely pictured going to church or mosques or even talk about religion (except famous Catholic MP Ann Widdecombe)

Nigeria: President Goodluck Jonathan was recently shown on TV celebrating his birthday in church, and at one point he sat down whilst everyone else stood up and prayed for him. Other politicians are notable members of various churches and mosques and regularly talk about the importance of their faith in interviews.

Sexual Immorality/Adultery
UK: Absolutely frowned upon: a politician whose sins - whether promiscuity, theft, illegal practises, bribery or violent conduct - becomes public very quickly becomes an out-of-work politician. There was one issue of a male MP whose boyfriend was staying with him at his house, but he didn't reveal this. I can't remember the details, but he had to resign for perjury. Till today his crime is non-existent but the revelation of his secret living arrangements brought him down. When an MP is outed as an adulterer (e.g. John Profumo, who resigned when his affair with a prostitute came to light) his reputation is shot to pieces and endless jokes, innuendoes and media witch-hunts makes committing adultery something you should hide at all costs to protect your job.

John Profumo: Revelations of his affair not only ended his political career but also brought down the then Prime Minister Harold Macmillan

Nigeria: It is public knowledge that many married politicians enjoy the company of young, attractive women, and regularly frequent prominent hotels with said women. Everyone knows it goes on, and I don't think a politician has ever been reprimanded for extra-marital affairs in Nigeria. It's not that adultery is encouraged, but it is tolerated and the media doesn't really concern themselves with it.

Stealing Public Funds
UK: Absolutely discouraged and illegal, and there are firm protocols and guidelines in place to avoid this happening. The possibility of a politician taking what belongs to the public for himself and getting away with it is slim. The Prime Minister has to declare the gifts other visiting heads of state give him and what he gives them, and the gifts should have more historical/sentimental value than monetary value, e.g. an engraved pen. The exchange of money and gifts between politicians and businessmen is seen as bribery and will land said politician in prison.

Nigeria: This is not only a regular occurrence, but an accepted fact. In fact, if you don't collect huge amounts of money whilst in office, your colleagues would mock your lack of ingenuity and your family will criticise you for not being generous.

Nepotism 
UK: Extremely frowned upon, though it happens. If David Cameron's cousin or brother were to receive a political appointment, tongues would start wagging. When ex-Labour spin doctor Alistair Campbell's son was given a top job in government, the whole Labour party was accused of nepotism and a party spokesman had to deny the claims.

Nigeria: Many politicians not only employ their kith and kin to top roles, but they also bless them with lucrative contracts and business deals.

Entry into Politics
UK: The best way into politics is by attending certain top schools (Oxford, Cambridge, Eton, Harrow etc) and by knowing the right people. Money doesn't really play a major role, it's more a matter of class and education, as a commoner can't become an MP just like that. It's a mostly upper/middle class white male profession.

Nigeria: The surest path to politics is being related to or knowing someone already in politics. Education doesn't really play a big part, although a British or American degree is a bonus. A wealthy businessman/professional may also become a politician, but generally the quickest way is through recommendation (God-fatherism) and having lots of money, and someone working as a labourer today can become Governor tomorrow.

Lavish Spending
UK: Frowned upon as vulgar and uncouth. The British upper/middle class (which most politicians are) are not known for their extravagant spending, and any obvious displays of wealth is looked down on. I remember the cruel whispers and snares that accompanied the revelation that Tony Blair holidayed in a house owned by a celebrity.

Nigeria: Yep, this too is expected and tolerated. Everyone knows politicians are very wealthy, and they not only spend their money, the wear it too. The usual status symbols like houses, cars, latest technology, expensive clothes, Rolex watches and foreign holidays/education/homes/healthcare are there for everyone to see. Nigerians may complain about the extravagance of their politicians, but many don't deny that if put in their position they would also 'chop' money.  "Yes, become wealthy" they seem to say, "but at least build a road or two whilst you're up there."

30 April 2011

7 Reasons Why Nigerian Sites Have Bad Grammar

I visit a lot of Nigerian-produced news and entertainment sites, blogs and forums, and unfortunately a lot of the writing there leaves a lot to be desired. It's disappointing when a fascinating subject is ruined by bad grammar, the hyper-zealous use of a thesaurus or grand, convoluted sentences when simpler phrasing would do.

I wish I could 'red-pen' websites...


As an avid wordsmith who has studied the art of writing, sentences like Yes, i understand; 90's CD's and DVD's or Am in love irks me. (If you see nothing wrong with these sentences, then I envy the ease of your daily reading experience!)

And the habit of writers to use twelve words when three would do is also bothersome, so that a sentence like:


"Little five-year-old Ayo Azeez's mother had left his biological father after irreconcilable misunderstanding which led to their separation. The boy then became gravely ill and was immediately rushed to a nearby hospital but he gave up even before any medication could be administered on him."

Should be edited to:
"Five year old Ayo Azeez's mother had separated from his father before he fell ill. He was then rushed to a nearby hospital but died before receiving treatment."  

It sure does

Here are 7 reasons why I believe many Nigerians employ verbose, unprofessional English:

1. Sub-standard University Education

All Nigerians that can afford it go to university because education is a matter of pride and necessity. But the education many receive is often of low quality due to the lack of government funding and rampant teacher strikes caused by the non-payment of salaries, which turns a three-year degree into a six-year interrupted struggle. Inconsistent electricity also interrupts the use of computers and other technologies vital for a thorough education. Eventually poor students become poor teachers and the cycle is unbroken.

2. Journalism is an Unpopular Degree

Law, accounting and medical degrees are popular choices for Nigerians, but journalism is not. This is due to the little attention paid to literature and the lower pay journalists expect. The country's children are not encouraged to pursue a writing career and the majority of the country's journalists today began their careers in a completely different profession.

In my case, my father was a broadcast journalist and I read all the books on our bookshelf (my mother was once an avid reader though she no longer cares for books). My favourite was Enid Blyton's The Adventures of the Wishing Chair and I wanted to be a children's writer before deciding on journalism. I was neither encouraged nor discouraged to pursue it, and growing up I'd never heard of any Nigerian print journalists.

3. Poor Reading Culture

It is a sad fact that Nigerians don't value reading. Things Fall Apart by Nigerian Chinua Achebe is the most famous book written by an African, yet the ratio of Americans to Nigerians who have read it is probably 3:1. The more one reads, the better their grammar, and Nigerian writer Chimamanda Adichie set up The Farafina Trust to encourage reading and creative writing stating that::

"...If my novel had been first published in Nigeria...I would not have had an editor or publicity or marketing. The newspapers would have taken scant notice... [and] I would expect only family and friends to buy the novel because we are a country of people who do not regard and do not read literature. Many Nigerians say...we are too poor to read. Literature is, after all, a middle-class preserve and... reading has been put aside for the pursuit of basic survival."
Nigerians should encourage their children to read

4. Bribery

Institutional bribery means that the least intelligent but wealthy students often get the best grades above the intelligent but poorer students, so that those that get the writing jobs in the end are unqualified having only bought their grades.

5. Nepotism

To get a good job in Nigeria, who you know gets you further than ability or education. Many under-qualified people become 'Features Editor' or 'Reporter' because their aunt or brother-in-law is the Editor or Publisher. So someone with friends in high places, a degree in Forestry and a disregard for proper sentence structures can have their work published in the country's most popular publications.

6. English as a Second Language

English is the official language but all Nigerians have a different mother-tongue and many are only familiar with pidgin-English. This means that the level of acceptable spoken and written English in many arenas is lower than in western establishments, and the errors prevalent in using imperfect grammar is ignored or not even noted.

7. The 'More is Best' Thinking

Nigerians are often extroverts and this follows into their writing where the 'posher' the words sound, the better the writer is regarded. I remember reading a letter from my grandfather to my mother and being perplexed by the formal tone, along the lines of  "it is with the utmost trepidation that I hasten to..."

This contrasts with Western writing where simplicity and succinctness rule, and industry standards mean that British articles have a particular flow unlike Nigerian articles. Of course there are Nigerians trained in universal journalistic principles from the country's best universities, and quality publications like Thisday are thankfully well written, but Nigerians desecrating the English language abound all over the web.

Some of the websites I visit leave me shaking my head in disbelief or giggling at the unintentional humour of the more ambitious sentences.

11 March 2011

4 Reasons Why I am Jealous of South Africa

Even though Nigeria is the most populous country in Africa (160 million people) so that every 1 in 4 Black person in the world is a Nigerian; even though it has the most industrious people who possess a fabulous sense of humour and a perpetual optimism about life, and even though the world's richest Black man is Nigerian, I'm still jealous of the West's interest in all things South Africa.

1. MANDELA
There's an almost Messiah-like reverence for the political prisoner turned apartheid-abolitionist, Nobel Peace Prize winner and Former SA President Nelson Mandela, so that every celebrity worth their salt has taken a picture with him. Numerous books and films have been produced to celebrate his achievements (from Invictus to the recent Winnie starring Jeniffer Hudson and Terrence Howard) and his status as respected elder-statesman of the world is unrivaled.


Nelson Mandela: The world's best loved African leader

Nigeria has yet to produce such a highly-regarded leader. Not once. We have respected authors like Chinua Achebe and Wole Soyinka, but in recent times our politicians have been better known for what they do wrong than what they've done right.

2. FOOTBALL WORLD CUP
Then there was the 2010 World Cup. The first ever to be held in Africa was of course in SA. Now this makes sense because in terms of the country's advancements in technology and infrastructure, it is by far the most suitable and best prepared country in Sub-Saharan Africa to hold such a prestigious event. Even SA's ability to have continuous electricity trumps Nigeria's NEPA failures. But I was jealous that South Africa was yet again feted by the worldwide community for this impressive feat. I wish it were Nigeria. But alas, even our footballers, once our pride and joy (and former Olympic Gold medal winners!) failed us.

3. MEDIA
Around the world numerous books have been written (Cry, The Beloved Country) multiple documentaries (Rough Aunties), popular films (Cry Freedom, Sarafina, District 9) plays, column inches and charities have been dedicated to South Africa. Although Nigeria gave the world Fela Kuti and our writers like Chimamanda Adichie continue to excite the literary world, our country doesn't elicit the same level of fascination, romance and interest as South Africa does.


Fela Kuti: Nigeria's best known musician

And out of the seven Black men that have won the Nobel Peace Prize, three were South African.

4. TOURISM
There's also the general beauty and tourist-friendly appeal of cities like Cape Town and Johannesburg which attract visitors. With world-class accommodation, picturesque beaches, beautiful vistas and natural amenities to enjoy I'm not surprised. But I am jealous. I wish Nigeria's tourist industry was equally well-developed. We have the potential: beautiful beaches, the best cuisine, great history and beautiful areas in Abuja and Lagos. But we lack the security to ensure visitors' safety, and the development and promotion of some of these areas let us down, as does the air and land travel difficulties (bad roads, shambolic airports)


Abuja, Nigeria

South Africa is as well known for its high crime rates, in fact more well known than Nigeria's, yet the country still manages to be the foremost African destination for tourists, film-makers and travellers. Some will say the large white minority help to keep the country developed and affluent and draw people in, and there's some truth in that.

But Nigeria has the potential to be the first all-Black giant of commerce and advancement in Africa. We have the funds (oil money), an eager labour-force, the skills and the resources. Greed and lack of foresight has stunted our growth in the areas of good government and tourism so far, but I still believe we can do it. One day...

Until then, I will continue to view South Africa's high profile success with envy and think: "If only that was Nigeria!"